grace's child

humble words. glorious love.

I might turn out to be a really terrible, unfaithful blogger. Oops…

Halloween 2009. A day that goes beyond words. I can’t tell you exactly what happened that day. All I can say is that it was the start of deep, long-lasting pain—and I knew it. In a matter of 45 minutes, my world changed forever. Nothing shifted in my circumstances. Nothing was altered in my appearance.

No one even knew.

I watched darkness roll in over my life that day, and I thought, “I will never forget this day. But someday in the future, it will be this day again—and I’ll be looking back with victory.”

One year passed. Things weren’t any better.

Two years. Things were worse.

Three years. 2012. Last night. I almost forgot the day altogether.

There’s this really beautiful promise in the psalms:

Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
Psalm 126:5

I’ve cried a lot of tears in my life. Gosh, I’ve cried a lot of tears in three years. But you know what? The goodness of God really is greater than any sorrow. 

He made a promise never to leave. I’ve always been with Him. And in His presence, there is fullness—fullness—of joy. You just can’t outrun His goodness and mercy.

He is the joy set before us.

Once, at the beginning of the hard days, I said to God, “This doesn’t look like more than I can ask or imagine.”

I was deeply brokenhearted. Everything I cherished, everything I was, was slipping away. I saw the promise, I saw my life, and I couldn’t draw any connection.

But I’m telling you, the story isn’t over until He says it is. It isn’t over until you say it is. (And even when you say it is, He’s there to pick you up, dry your tears, and take your hand again…and again and again.)

I look back and see all the life that’s been raised once more. I laugh at the fulfillment of dreams and the restoration of joy. And I know, really know…

More than I can ask, think, or imagine: that’s what’s in store.

Baby, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Dusting off.

“LORD, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.”
Psalm 139:1 NLT

The great longing of the human heart is met in its Creator. We are fully known and completely loved.

I was thinking this morning about that old refrain: Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.

I’ve always wrestled with this sentiment. It feels strange to profess a straying over my heart. And then I realized: I do wander. Not always into sin, although that happens frequently enough. But I stray from love. I forget that I am wanted, cherished, welcomed in. I forget that I belong here, running through the halls of heaven. I forget that everything I do in my Father’s presence is wonderful to Him.

Light the pathway to your heart, Lord, whenever I should stray.

Meeting Jesus is the glorious resolution. It’s running all your life with the sense of being chased by Someone fierce, only to discover when at long last you are caught that you have been swept up in the most glorious embrace.

I don’t care how you started. In Christ, you will end up beautiful, strong, and free.

fuel hope.

We’re nine days away from the launch of Fuel Hope. Fuel Hope is an anti-trafficking awareness and fundraising organization my roommate is launching through her parents’ businesses to benefit Pearl Alliance. The idea for the coalition was birthed when we traveled to a women’s conference together in May, and it has been amazing to witness the evolution from dream to reality over the last five months. We’ve discussed colour schemes (“Everyone is using that blue”) and mission statements (“You’re definitely a consortium. Do people know what consortium means?”), watched videos, and stayed up too late too many times. Sarah’s fine-tuning her launch presentation and I’m churning out the website copy in typical I’m-always-working-last-minute fashion.

Due tomorrow, of course. When else?

Sometimes I feel closely knit to Paul and his “sleepless nights.” Then I read the rest of 2 Corinthians 11:27 and realize I am little more than pampered. Soft-spined compared to the greats.

A lot of our conversations surrounding this issue have been the overflow of Spirit-whispers to my own heart. I have such a conviction that the work of God ought not be separated from the person of God. We can’t divorce kingdom causes from the King.

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accomplished.

It is 2:49 AM. All I can say is: yesterday just got owned.

I may need to issue an official apology to my adrenals.

“Live the kind of life that, when people see the impossibility of what you accomplish, they can only remark, ‘That’s what grace does.’”